And a few weeks ago decided that she was going to move out of the dorm and in with her boyfriend. I might have had more words to say if she would have discussed this change with me prior to making it but she didn’t. OK. She sat out a whole week of classes in the process of moving and getting around to telling me and her daddy what she had done and more importantly to me, where she was. Not knowing where she was and finding her I guess softened the blow as to what she had actually done. She’s 19, I can accept the fact that she’s growing up or (grown) Her boyfriend is 21, has no job and the part time weekend only job my daughter has doesn’t exactly make it easy to pay rent, gas, etc. All of the things she didn’t need when she was living in the dorm, she now needs to live. So for the past two weeks I’ve been pondering just how much support to give my child as she’s moved on to the next phase in her life. I want her to be successful, she did go back to class last week. The choices she’s made, I can see the errors in, but then I’m 42 and she’s 19. I haven’t forgotten that I moved from Illinois to Georgia at 19 with NO family support basically. I don’t want to turn my back on her or wish her failure, I want her to be happy. How would you handle the dilemma of your child barely affording rent – I can pay it, but that ain’t my job. How would you handle the dilemma of her boyfriend not working? Very little groceries, no gas money, no furniture, not living in the best area of town and I could go on and on. From my point, I could fix her problems with a few swipes of my debit card and a few checks but I told her last week when we talked that she wants to be treated as an adult that is what I will do. We will have discussions where I’ll give my opinion and nothing more. Opinions are like Assholes, we all have them and do with them as you please. My only two caveats to that statement is that, as her mother, I want her to finish school and not bring any babies in this situation. She did ask me for gas money yesterday when I took her and her boyfriend out for lunch (Figured they needed a decent meal) and I filled up her tank. So the short of this long post, is from a parent point of view, how do you move on to the next step of being a listening ear and how much support (financial and advice) do you give to your grown children? I feel like I’m sitting on my hands and watching her struggle.
Again… when I came up, I left home at 15 basically and NEVER looked back. My survival and the choices I made were completely mine. I didn’t so much as call home and complain.